Ten ways to NOT raise chickens

Dear Georgia,
I took my letter out because Todd said it might be to personal. Now he says it is sweet and thinks it should go back in. In and out. Here it is (well, a different letter). This is the required list post. I think this is from day 3 of 31 days to a better blog. I don't see it as 31 days to a better blog, but 31 days to any blog at all. (Incidental, I am still on day three, but Daren at ProBlogger is on day 40 or something like that.)

 

With the death of RoosterBoy I am an OFFICIAL expert in this area now. Here are some great ways to make sure that you don't have a flock of chickens on your farm (be it large or small - the farm or the flock)

1. Do NOT go into the farm store during Peep Week.  This is harder said than done.  But you know that if you go in you won't come out empty handed.  Fuzzy, soft, tiny, little creatures... and right around Easter... 

2. Do NOT go on line to McMurray hatcheries to look at all the different varieties of chicks. This only leads to trouble and a 6:00 am phone call from the post office that they have a box for you that is peeping.  

3. Do NOT try to incubate fertile eggs.  I suppose you could try... it never works any way. Just because the neighbor can do this with out any problems doesn't mean YOU (okay I) can.  You (um... I) can make sure the brand new incubator is set up completely correct, with the right temperature and humidity and turn those eggs gently 3 times a day and STILL not get any chicks.

4.  Do NOT listen to friends who tell you they can get you mature pullets for nothing.  First of all, we know there is no such thing as a free lunch or a free chicken, and second (of all), some times things get out of proportion.  A free chicken soon turns into 40.  And then what are you going to do?

5.  DO  advertise that YOU are giving away free chickens.  Soon you will have many many people asking you for your "free" chickens (which even though you had to pay for them you are giving away for free... Hey!  How did that work?)

6.  DO pen cute little two week old chicks in with a skunk.  Learn from me: skunks eat cute little two week old chickies.  At least they kill them.  And that hole under the barn?  You CAN'T cover it up with a bigger rock.  Things like skunks dig.  

7. DO encourage free ranging chickens into your neighbors yard so the pit bull who lives there can use them as a squeaky toy.  You may feel bad about this at first (and your neighbor most certainly will) but if you are trying to avoid a flock of chickens from roosting on your farm, this is a sure bet to get rid of them.  Unfortunately, dogs can learn to only herd the chickens off their yard and back onto yours so make sure you let the dog kill the chickens without reprimand if you are trying to get rid of the feathered fiends.

8. DO encourage free ranging in the ditch by the road.  This will often lead to a chicken wondering what is on the other side.  With any luck a passing car will hit the bird and then you are one down, 30 more to go.  

9.  DO encourage free ranging by a hawk's nest.  This leads to most exciting results.  It can provide days of entertainment.

10.  DO encourage roosting in trees.  This brings coyote and other nighttime critters for a feathered buffet.